It's true love! You have found your eternalsoulmate online, someone devoted to you and attentive and completely into you.
Except... There always seems to be a reason you can't meet them, or even FaceTime them. And they seemto have fallen deeply in love with you really quickly. And they might ask for signs of your affection a little too much, such as money, or intimate photos, or access to your online accounts.
You might be getting catfished.
Catfishing is when someone creates or steals an entire online identity to convince you they're someone else and form a relationship.
Catfishers might do it because they enjoy the freedom of being someone besides themselves,or because they're exploring their own sexuality or gender identity, or because they want to benefit from a celebrity'sfame, or because they want to seduce others and then move on without a trace,or because, in what the FBI calls a "romance scam," they want"to manipulate and/or steal from the victim." Sometimes, catfishers are bored and just enjoy messing with others for kicks.
Sometimes it's to ultimately bully, frighten, hurt or kill the victim.
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Catfishing victims have been ghosted, heartbroken, swindled, attacked, humiliated, raped, andkilled. Even catfishers who may have been doing it solely for the thrill of the relationship have hurt people, as NASCAR driver Hailie Deegan found out when a person who was convinced he'd been "dating" her online for months threatened to kill her boyfriend.
Romance scamscost victims $1 billion in 2021, according to the FBI. Scams reported to the Federal Trade Commission bilked victims out of $547 million, up from$304 million in 2020. And those are just the schemes that the victims weren't too embarrassed to report. Incidents rose sharply during the pandemic when more people were looking for online relationships.
Romance scamsincreased among all ages in 2021, with those aged 70 and up reportingthe highest losses –nearly $9,000 per case – while those aged 18-29 lost $750, the FTC said.
Here's what you need to know about catfishing, and how to avoid it.
How do catfishers operate?
Catfishers will take a photo from someone else (or even generate a completely believable fake one) and create a new social media or dating profilewith it. They'll use a different name, either creating a newone or copying someone's existing account and stealing the photo and information from that.
"The scammers strike up a relationship with their targets to build their trust, sometimes talking or chatting several times a day," according to the FTC. They often willhave reasons they can't meet, such as livingin a different city orstate, or because they're working out of the country. And they often express deep affection or love for you within a few days of first contacting you.
The other catfish victims:Meet Tom Ernsting, handsome and non-threatening, who has one of the most catfished profiles in the world
If the catfisher is a scammer, they often will have a reason they need money right away such as emergency medical issues, or the need for an emergency plane ticket, customs fees, a visa or other travel expenses, or to pay off gambling debts. The money is usually requested by wire, in cryptocurrency or in the form of reload cards such as MoneyPak or gift cards from vendors like Amazon, Google Play, iTunes, Steam, etc.
Some professional-level scammers have asked for bank account access and Social Security numbers(and gotten them).
Scammers out to seduce, bully, harassor exploityou may ask for nude photos or video.
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How can I tell if I'm being catfished?
The telltale signs vary from person to person, of course. Some catfishers may be extremely good at it, with lots of detailed preparation, and some legitimate would-be romantic partners who seem suspiciousjust mightnot be good at dating, social interaction in general, or other people. But there are some red flags to watch for.
- Check out their picture on whatever social media or dating app they used toconnectwith you. Do the pictures look suspiciously good? Are there pictures of them doing ordinary things there, or arethere just one or more photos that could be modeling shots?Do they have some reason they refuse to send you current photos?
- Are their various social media identities identical, or are there discrepancies? Do they have extremely scant social media accounts? Do they only seem to exist on one dating or social media app?
- Have they told you they love you after only a few days or weeks of communication?
- Are they a celebrity who suddenly took aninterest in you?
- Do they always seem to have a reason not to meet or video chat? Or, possibly worse, do they want to meet for the first time in a remote, private area?
Any of those might be innocent, but more than one may be a suspicious trend.
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How can I avoid being catfished?
It seems harsh to say it, but when your new romance seems suspicious you'll have to do your best to verify they're really who they saythey are. This means Googling them, looking up their photos, checking their other social media and more.
Stay in the dating app:If you meet someonethrough a dating app, keep communicating to them in there as long as possible. Scammers often try to quickly move you to text messages.
Arrange an in-person meeting: Any in-person meeting should be in a public place, ideally with friends present at the beginning but at least only after you've told someone where you'll be and when to expect you back.
Arrange a video call:If meeting isn't an option, ask for a video call on FaceTime, WhatsApp, Messenger, Skype or whatever app you like. It's not a surefire way to catch catfishers, but repeatedly ducking your call might be a big red flag.
Reverse image-search their photos: Download the photo(s) they use and drop it into Google's reverse image search to see if they actually belong to another person or pop up in a stock photo site.
Check theirstory: Did they tell you where they work? See if you can verify that. Are they a celebrity? Compare what they tell you day to day to that celeb's own social media or biography (but be careful, the scammer can read those, too). Did they mention family? You may be able to see if they exist. And there are sites such as socialcatfish.com that offer verification services.
Check their social media: If you search for them on Facebook, Instagram or TikTok, do you get more than one account with the same name and picture? One might be a fake. (Although some people maintain separate accounts for work, etc.) Do they post regularly? Do they seem to have an actual life? If they are on multiple social media, and most people with social media accounts are, do the photos and personal details match?
Be careful what you share:Obviously don't give out any financial information or passwords, but also avoid sharing things like yourmom's maiden name or thename of your first pet. Never send intimate photos or videos to anyone you're not absolutely sure of.
Never send money to anyone you haven't met in person:If you're not sure, run their story past a trusted friend or relative to see if someone who isn't romantically attracted thinks it passes the sniff test.
Talk to your friends and family:In fact, even if they haven't requested money, talk toa friend or family memberabout how things are going. Do they seem concerned?
Go with your gut: Are they simply too good to be true? They might be.
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More:Man catfished an Alaska teen and convinced her to kill for $9M, police say
What do I do if I think I'm being catfished?
If you suspect an online relationship is a scam, stop all contact immediately. If you have already sent money, immediately report any fund transferto your financial institution.
You can file a complaint with the FBI’sInternet Crime Complaint Center(www.ic3.gov), yourlocal FBI office or other law enforcement agency. Also, report the crime to the FTC atReportFraud.ftc.gov.
Why is it called catfishing?
It's from the 2010 documentary "Catfish," about Nev Schulman's experiences falling in love online with a 19-year-old woman named Megan who turned out to be a 40-year-old married housewife.
Schulman went on to create and host the 2012 MTV reality show "Catfish: The TV Show" with Max Joseph and, later, Kamie Crawford as they sought to uncover the true identities of people's online love interests. "Catfish" ran foreight seasons.
While the show was on the air, Notre Dame football starManti Te'o brought the term to a wider audience in 2013when he told the media about the ongoing hardships and the tragic death of his girlfriend, only for reporters to investigate anddiscovershe never existed.
Catfished or hoax?Manti Te'o saga sheds light new world of human interaction
Report: Ronaiah Tuiasosopo confessed Te'o hoax to friend
More:How colleges try to keep athletes off the 'catfish' hook
In the film, directed by Henry Joost and Ariel Schuman, Vince Pierce, the husband of the middle-aged woman, explained the conceptwiththis mythical example:
"They used to tank cod from Alaska all the way to China. They'd keep them in vats in the ship. By the time the codfish reached China, the flesh was mush and tasteless. So this guy came up with the idea that if you put these cods in these big vats, put some catfish in with them and the catfish will keep the cod agile," Pierce said. "And there are those people who are catfish in life. And they keep you on your toes. They keep you guessing, they keep you thinking, they keep you fresh.
"And I thank God for the catfish because we would be ... boring and dull if we didn't have somebody nipping at our fin."
Contributor: Mike Snyder, USA Today
C. A. Bridges is a Digital Producer for the USA TODAY Network, working with multiplenewsrooms across Florida. Local journalists work hard to keep you informed about the things you care about, and you can support them by subscribing to yourlocal news organization.Read more articles by Chris here and follow him on Twitter at @cabridges
